Five Fave Films for Your Yule

Yesterday Sweetie and I went to see The Descendants. It was a great film full of emotion, from the kind that jars you to the bone, to the everyday joys we take for granted at our peril. Made me think of how often we’ll downplay the real drama in our lives for the schmaltzy substitutes manufactured by Hollywood, and none more than Holiday time. Still, movies are one of my favorite forms of escapism, and if I must take a powder out of reality for 120 minutes or so this time of year, here’s the short list of where you can find me.

1. The Shop Around the Corner ( 1940) – Must be my Eastern European blood calling to me, but I just love this sparkling Ernst Lubitsch romance set in a prewar Budapest gift shop. Starring James Stewart and Margaret Sullivan as two battling sales clerks who don’t know they’re falling in love via the post, as each other’s anonymous pen pal. Stellar secondary characters, including a priceless William Tracy as the cheeky delivery boy, Pepi. The Christmas Eve menu at the end had me salivating.

2. The Man Who Came to Dinner ( 1942) – After dining at a Ohio local’s home during a  lecture tour, notoriously acerbic radio personality Sheridan Whiteside slips on his hosts’ icy steps, and takes over not only their house but their lives. Starring Monty Woolley as The Man and Bette Davis as his aide-de-camp, the snark and sarcasm are so sharp and quick you’ll come away nicked but you’ll be laughing too hard to care. Still fresh after nearly seventy years, The Man is based on Algonquin Roundtable-er, Alexander Woolcott, his cronies thin veneers of Noel Coward, Harpo Marx, Gertrude Lawrence and all who were definitely in-crowd.

3. Holiday Affair (1949) – No one did heavy-lidded better than The Mitch, and the very fact that he actually made a holiday film piqued my curiosity enough to watch it. Just by the look of this poster you could see the only thing that remotely indicated that it had anything to do with Christmas was war-widow’s Janet Leigh’s low-plunged red dress that definitely promised presents for someone. Oh, somewhere among the movie’s a plot involving a department store clerk and a retail spy, a sassy kid, a train set, a jilted–oh who cares! Mitch smolders and Janet’s a brush fire waiting to happen.

4. A Christmas Story ((1983) – All nine-year-old Ralphie wants for Christmas is a genuine Red Ryder BB gun, and he’ll do darn near anything to get it. Based on the recollections of storyteller Jean Shepherd’s In God We Trust – All Others Pay Cash, Peter Billingsley had the part of a lifetime that until this day loops every Christmas on cable channel TBS. Darren McGavin ought to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award for one priceless part as Ralphie’s dad who spouts the immortal words, “It’s a major award!”

5. Christmas in Connecticut (1945) – Barbara Stanwyck is a homemaking specialist who can’t boil water when she’s called to entertain GI Dennis Morgan at her imaginary country home for Christmas. Hijinks ensue when she accepts a faux proposal to gain entry to a pastoral home in Connecticut, all the while she falls in love with her initially unaware guest. Cute holiday escapism always made worth watching by the divine Miss Stanwyck. 

Enjoy!
Trudy

When all else fails – Retreat!

In past posts we’ve explored from preparing for a writing project, confronting the blank page, priming your plot pump, getting past your slumping middle, to wrapping it all up and sending it out the door. But what if you’ve got the will and the way, but you still can’t get your motor started? And what if you’ve got it started, but can’t figure out how to shut it down? Or what if you’re stuck in that sagging middle, and it’s got you so daunted you want to hurl the whole kit-and-kaboodle against the wall? Then maybe it’s time to give both the laptop and the sheet rock a break, because you know what they say: when all else fails–retreat!

No, my dahlings, I’m most certainly not saying you should quit. Five noogies to the head for even considering it! What I’m saying is perhaps you need a change of venue, to step out of your everyday and try a different milieu. Where would you go? Why don’t you try these…

1. Writers Colonies – If you’ve got the wallet for it, writers colonies or residencies are about as close as you can get to literary nirvana. Usually in a picturesque location or town, at a college or camp or hotel, they give you uninterrupted time to write, plot or just stare off into space. Many come with social activities so you can network with fellow writers, some even come with stipends, others you have to qualify for. Check the wonderful website Agent Query for their list of colonies and residencies.

2. Writers Conferences – Every writer should attend at least one a year. I certainly do, have for years, and if you just happen to be in New Jersey in next March 17th , you might want to take a look at Liberty States Fiction Writers’ “Create Something Magical” Conference. It’s for one day, but take the weekend and bookend the schmooze, panels  and workshops with some serious writing time. Writers Conferences can range from an afternoon to a week-long series of events, many of them grouped by genre, such as the Romance Writers of America in the summer, or the Backspace Writers Conference in New York this November. Full of workshops, editor/agent appointments, panels, readings, book fairs and the chance to meet some of your favorite authors, if you don’t come out energized and ready to attack the page, then perhaps you’re in the wrong business. Again, here’s another look at Agent Query, and their rundown of upcoming conferences.

3. Book Expo America - This is one of the premier industry events if you are any way connected. If you’re a bookseller, agent, editor, librarian, educator, book club member, writers’ organization officer or published author you can’t afford to miss it. Held over three days in May at the Javits Center in New York City, anyone who is anyone in the industry is at BEA. After one hour trolling this convergence of Every Publisher in the Free World, if you don’t feel like closing down that WIP to get in the game, then stay home on the porch. You ain’t gonna be runnin’ with the big dogs. 

4. College Literary Festivals – Held by the English Department at a college or university, these usually weeklong events hold readings and signings for writers and readers alike. If you’re alumni, this is a good way to connect with your old professors who no doubt have a line on the writers attending, so you never know who you can meet. I go back to my alma mater twice a year for their festival held during their MFA residencies, meeting many of the visiting writers. I even had dinner with Francine Prose one night, though being one of twelve at her banquet-seating table, I doubt if our conversation went past pass the salt.

5. Create your own - Batton down the home hatches and take off for the weekend, to a vacationing friend or family member’s house, to a off-season cottage by the lake or ocean, to a campsite up in the mountains, or even a bargain-basement afternoon with the laptop or legal pad at the library or Barnes and Noble cafe. Perhaps even send the kids off with the spouse to the zoo and stretch out on the back porch, a glass of your favorite libation at your side, letting all those ideas in your head bounce off the trees, the alleyway, the horizon. It doesn’t take much, just a firm commitment and the time to percolate, and perchance, of course, to dream.

Smooch -

Trudy

Shopping for Topic

Where do ideas for stories come from? Do they drop like rain out of the heavens, or sprout beneath our feet like daisies? Do they barrel into us like a runaway train, or slip into our unconscious like a deftly dosed mickey? Truth be told, all of the above are correct, as you never know when a great story idea is going to hit you. But it’s also true there are several places where they could be mined, a good thing to know after you’ve signed that three-book contract you have to fulfill in eighteen months. But what if you just want to enter a short story contest? It’s not like you can just drop in at the Plot Shop and pick up a ready-made idea. Or can you?

I’ve found out there’s several ways you can give the old Idea Factory a prod and it’s simpler than you think.

1. Look to History – This method is the easiest of all. Just pick up any history book, open a page and point, and there’s guaranteed to be a story in it. Take wars, for instance. How many bestsellers have been written about World War II? The Civil War? (A certain radish-eating Southern belle springs to mind.) Or the Napoleonic Wars and hello! the Regency period in England? Honesty, how many United States history books ever even mentioned the Prince Regent, “Prinny,” yet his era spawned a wildly popular American subgenre of romantic fiction. Imagine today forty years from now. Meet-cute on Facebook? Love it!

2. News Stories, slightly libelled – There used to be a popular movie trailer come-on that went, Ripped from today’s headlines! Which nowadays has been slightly altered to read, BASED ON A TRUE STORY. It’s the same thing, but honestly, that CNN home page or local newspaper (newspapers–remember them?) is still a great source for plots. In a further variation on the above history theme, don’t discount headlines of yesteryear, either. The popular skinny is writer Peter Benchley got an idea for his book, Jaws, from the 1916 New Jersey shark attacks that started on Long Beach Island. Who could argue with that success?

3. Family – Oh, yeah, the original source of inspiration. How many of you have a weird Uncle Albert or Aunt Ada, that cousin that rode the Diving Horse in Atlantic City, your father the war hero, your mother the self-made CEO of a multinational conglomerate (if you’re the latter, have her buy you a publishing company, and never worry about plot again). As for my own family, I have an original ‘49er, a nightclub singer, and a somewhat tenuous relation to Wyatt Earp’s brother, Virgil. So believe me, you never know.

4. Steal From Someone Else’s Story - I’m not joking!  Honestly, this is a viable option. Now, I’m not talking about opening up some New York Times bestseller and jacking right from the page. What I’m suggesting is taking a book in the public domain, and tell the story behind the story, what happens before or after, or from another character’s point of view. Jean Rhys prequeled Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre with Wide Sargasso Sea, and more recently, March, by Geraldine Brooks, tells the story of the absent father gone-to-war of the March girls of Little Women. Who hasn’t read a book and thought about an unexplored secondary character and wondered what their story was? Now’s your chance to clear it up! (Works even better stealing from your own books for those pesky three-book contracts.)

5. Take a Walk – Any walk, anywhere, from your own street to a street far, far away. Take in the sights, the sounds, the buildings and the people, sit on a bench in a park, in a cafe, on a bus, at a museum, on a beach, by a lake, on an observation deck. If you can, do it alone to keep distractions at a minimum, allowing yourself to absorb everything that floats, waltzes or rolls past you. Leave the phone turned off and the ear buds in your pocket, and let the milieu do the talking; you’ll be amazed at what it tells you.

Just a few suggestions, as I imagine there’s many more, but it’s enough to get you started. And for me, too, as you see, there’s this certain contest I’d like to enter, and rather than just…oh! You’ll have to excuse me! I just had a great idea, and–

Big smooch!

Trudy

The book’s finished. Now what? Part Two.

Last post we went over what to do after you finish your novel.  So you set it aside a while then nipped and tucked and primped and preened it until it was pink and screaming, and then when you were absolutely sure you couldn’t get it any better, you edited it one more time before saving it in several places. Now you’re sitting back and admiring this positively stellar work of art. So what’s next? Well, I’ll tell you dahlings — it’s Business Time. (Okay, I just couldn’t resist.)

1. The Dreaded Synopsis and Blurb- Oh my aching neck – is there anything worse than writing a synopsis? Yes, a blurb, which is a one sentence encapsulation, boiling your 85,000 word work of art down to its very essence. I did one today in under fifteen minutes, so maybe they aren’t as hard as they seem. Maybe because they’re all foreplay, and you don’t have to go for the beginning, middle and bang-zoom! Used to be synopses were five to ten pages, but now my agent tells me the industry standard is getting closer to two. And that’s double-spaced sweeties, with the same formatting rules applying. And don’t make it a teaser like the blurb–agents and editors will just toss it if you try to play cagey. Give the plot, characters and theme, and make sure it covers your work from beginning to end. Present tense, too, because it’s a happening thang, you see, and just the facts. They’re looking for content, not for coy. Save that for your fabulous prose.

2. More Dread – The Query Letter – There really is an art to writing these things, no kidding, and you do so need to get them right. Even before you begin your search for an editor or agent, create a good query shell as once you do, you can tailor it to each house or agency’s preferences. There’s much more information that’you’ll need about crafting one than I can give you right now, so click here to an earlier post for more in-depth instructions.

3. Now do your research - What do you write? Romance, science fiction, mystery, commercial or literary fiction? Whatever the fiction (as it’s slightly different for non-fiction, and for that, I’m not quite the authority), you need to do your research so you’re targeting your work to the right house or agency. If you’re a genre writer – romance, sci-fi, mystery, etc. – there are some houses that still accept unagented fiction. It’s YOUR job to find out who they are. To do this, you might want to search the web for each publisher, pick up the latest copy of the Novel and Short Story Writer’s Market by Writer’s Digest, Jeff Herman’s Guide to Book Publishers, Editors or Literary Agents, or check out the Literary Marketplace Database at your local library (the definitive guide, a pricey subscription to get on your own, so use it at the library for free). But even those guide aren’t going to help if you don’t know what kind of fiction they buy. I always like to go to the local bookstore and browse the authors I feel my writing is most like, and then check the Acknowledgements page. See which editors and agents they thank, and that should send you in the right direction.  As far as seeking out agents, Jeff Herman’s guide is great, and so is the definitive database on agents, Agent Query. Also – don’t forget to schmooze. Go to writer’s conferences, attend writer’s clubs, join national organizations for your genre. At conferences, you’ll have the chance to attend editor/agent appointments and meet them in person. At writer’s clubs you’ll get to hobnob with published authors who might like you enough to recommend you to their agent or editor. Put yourself out there! Face-to-face is always the most effective.

4. Send it and forget it – Does the manuscript shine? Did all your research? Found the perfect editors and/or agents? Again EDITORS and AGENTS? And I do mean multiples, sweeties. Because send them out in batches, and I do mean in handfuls. I don’t care if you found the UBER perfecto soulmate agent and/or editor. Find several. Multiples will cushion the blow for when those inevitable rejections come rolling in. Thank your lucky stars and talent if they ask for a partial or a full, but while you’re waiting, you need to spread yourself often and with quantity. I’d research at least twenty-five to start with, sending out at least five a week. And don’t forget to check their submission requirements. Not all editors or agents will take on-line submissions; there are still many who do only snail mail. And no one like attachments. Send them ONLY by invitation.

5. Now get back to writing – You’re only as good as your last book, and writers’ write, my dear. Do what you do best and get back to it. It’s all about the writing after all, and if you’re not doing it, there’s no need to pay attention to any of the above. Now get back to work!

Trudy

Five things I’ve learned from Irene

I’ve been hearing in the media that the whole Hurricane Irene coverage was (I apologize in advance) overblown, that it really wasn’t that big of a deal, that New York City yawned and the Shore hardly got nicked. Well, that’s fine if you’re one of the towns or people who escaped unscathed, but there’s a whole lot of others out there that didn’t. But I suppose they don’t have subways or beachfront property, so they don’t count as much. As with all hurricanes, it’s not so much the wind doing the damage (though that’s what gets the most attention), but the water, and if you’re writing from where I am, water is all it’s about. There’s hardly any broken limbs in my yard, but there’s a whole lotta water in my basement, and three days and two burned-out sump pumps later, I’m still bailing, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to let up any time soon. So ask the family in Cranford whose house is under 14 feet of water, or the woman in Kenilworth who’s going on her third day without power. Or all those poor folks up in Vermont, Brattleboro especially, who are beyond perplexed by the weather, whose covered bridges are sliding into the river, whose whole town is covered in mud, if Irene was pretty much a washout (sorry again). Like the old adage all politics is local, so is the weather, and I’ve had so much weather lately, the inside of a windowless room is starting to look pretty tempting. Even so, here’s a few things I’ve picked up from Ms. Irene:

1. Extreme weather brings out your neighbors - It’s true. As insular as we can be sometime, just let a weather emergency happen and people start crawling out of the woodwork quicker than roaches after a good fumigating. The lake overflowed in my town, and darn if seeing the footbridge underwater wasn’t as good a sideshow to the townsfolk as the sword swallower at the circus. People took to streets Sunday afternoon, all wet, tired and mostly a bit crusty, but all had stories to tell and looking for someone to tell them to. No lie, I could’ve sold a ton of cotton candy and funnel cakes if I had ‘em.

2. Times like these we miss the old local newspaper – Question: where do you get the news about your town now? I’m not talking about your Facebook friends, but was Elm Street without power? Whose house got smashed by that fallen tree? Where will FEMA set up? Sorry, folks, but the Internet and TV just doesn’t do it. There was a time when just scanned the front page, and there it was; now you have to go in search of it. I’m all for digital, but I do miss the local connection you got out of the home town news. Patch is giving it a go, but not all communities have it yet, though it is a good start.

3. Weather emergencies for weight loss - When you’re busy toting water buckets, bailing, cleaning up the yard, walking the neighborhood for damages, angsting, grabbing food on the fly, and sleeping 6 hours out of 48, you are GONNA lose some poundage. Look at me–3 pounds in two days! It adds up!

4. Hurricanes make weather forecasters hard - No fooling, did you catch the looks on their faces? Chasing Irene was ten times better to the weatherpeeps than chasing tail. I saw more leering and ogling over an Irene satellite image than I ever witnessed at a Ladies’ Night.

5. Next hurricane I’m going to the Shore – I’m bailing, they’re going to the beach. Even though the Jersey Shore, especially Long Beach Island, was evacuated, there were some who chose to ride it out. My brother was one of them, and he said he went through worse Nor’easter blows than this supposed Cat 1. Matter of fact, I tried to call him around 2 AM early Sunday morning, and when I couldn’t get ahold of him, of course, I thought the worst. Especially when my cable and internet went out, and then there was a tornado warning, and it started blowing really hard and I was thinking–oh my God! it must be so much worse at the Shore! So where was he? Asleep. Oh yawn.

Stay dry -

Trudy

Crazy Mad Random

No, it doesn’t make sense. But neither do I these days. See, I’m just emerging from a couple weeks off, and to tell you the truth, my brain is pretty much fried. From what? Well, it seems I’ve been pondering…

1. Deadlines are Bullshit. There, I said it. Now, I’m not disrespecting all deadlines; I’ve had several imposed on me by publishers, and I’ve met them all. I’m talking the ones I’ve made for myself. Can’t make them work, because what’s the penalty from myself if I don’t meet them it? Do I lose some non-existent money? Get spanked by my imaginary editor? Get sent to the “No Yuengling or Chocolate Zone”? (What sick mind thought that up?) Thing is, it doesn’t mean I’m not writing. I’m probably writing more and more intensely than I’ve written in years. And I’m still trying to get this thing done as quickly as I can. I’m already seeing a finish line in my head. Look, I’ll get it done, you can bet on it. Eight hours at the old desk today proves that, and I’m not through yet. It’s just that you can’t rush genius, sweetie. 

2. What the @#%! is going on in Washington?? Look, when I left I told all of you down there to get your crapola together and sort it out. So somehow you managed to get the Debt Ceiling raised–only to have Wall Street drop in the toilet, now our Bond Rating status’ owned by the Auto Club.  As of today, the Dow closed 430 points up, but we all know that can change in a wink tomorrow. But outside of our 401ks, who give a damn about that rich boys’ club anyway, especially when we know it’s really all about…

3. Jobs, Jobs, Jobs, baby. Yeah, really. When you’re not working, when your unemployment fund is running out, when you’re sucking your savings account dry, when you have to let the health insurance go, when you’re scraping to pay the mortgage, when you’re wondering how to feed the kids, there is no war in Afghanistan, no Tea Party,  no deficit, no tax cuts, no partisanship, no nothing except finding a source of income so you don’t end up in the street. It’s the Job Market not the Bond Market, stupid. Period. 

4. Hot sucks. I’m totally completely tired of people saying, “Yeah, it’s hot out, but it could be snowing!” Look, the road outside my house is melting into the sewer and I just got an electric bill for over two hundred dollars. Give me a sweater and a twenty-five degree day anytime, as how do you strip down from naked?

5. Writing rocks. Hey, you have you good days and your bad days. Sometimes you stare at the page, other times it’s like you’re shooting rockets from your fingers. What’s better than sitting back and admiring that well-turned phrase? Getting the project done, and basking in its afterglow. Which is what I’m off to do right now.

Ta!

Trudy

Five sure-shot signs you’re a Real Writer

There’s all kinds of standards out there, but how do you accurately measure what borders on obsession? I was thinking of this last weekend while lunching with some fellow writers, wondering whether they’re afflicted with similarly bizarre affectations, or if I was I suffering in silence. Odd or not, it’s made me realize that dammit, I must be a real writer, because although I’m not cutting off an ear or anything for my art, I sure am suffering some peculiarities. Such as:

1. Post-it Note Addiction - It’s true. I carry them everywhere. I have pads of them on my desk, in my purse, in the pocket of my course binder. I whip them out to jot down lines of dialogue, character descriptions, plot lines–even the premise for this post. They’re all over the place in my office, and when I’m on  the road and inspiration clocks me, I jot down my genius and stick them to the inside of my wallet so I don’t forget. By the way, they’re also good for shopping lists, as you can stick them right in front of you on the inside of the shopping cart.

2. Drinking Hot Liquids Cold - During the winter months I usually have a cuppa something at my elbow while I’m writing, but I have to tell you, I can’t remember the last time I actually sipped it while it was still hot. Usually the cream’s left a sheen on the coffee, or the tea’s soaked down the string to the tag, an “accident” puddling on my desk, whatever’s in the cup long, gone cold. The opposite effect is true in the summer, when I never seem to sip anything cold: the ice just a memory, the glass dripping condensation. I should probably just yank a bottle out of the cabinet and forget about it. Either way, it all ends up room temperature.

3. Vitamin D Deficiency – I had a routine blood screen a few weeks ago, and everything came back normal except my Vitamin D level. Apparently, the lack of this vitamin, which is created by sunshine, can cause depression, chronic fatigue, weight loss, diabetes, heart disease, stroke and osteoporosis. In addition to a disease I thought went out with the nineteenth century–rickets! “It’s not unusual to see decreased Vitamin D levels in the winter,” my doctor had said. “But yours? Don’t you even step out on the porch?” All right, I guessing the LED glow from my laptop isn’t enough. But by the end of next month, I’ll be trolling the beach, overdosing on the Big D. Until then, I suppose it’s supplements and hitting the sidewalk.

4. Plot-related Memory Loss – Has this happened to you? You’re driving along, trying to work out what exactly Protagonist A is going to leave on Protagonist B’s doorstep, and the next thing you know you’re sitting in the parking lot at work, with no idea how you got there. Or you’re in the shower and you’ve just thought of the perfect setting for your heroine’s vacation. But there’s this bottle of conditioner in your hand, and you can’t remember if you washed your hair first. Whether you’re staring at blank walls or losing threads of conversations, it’s not early dementia–it’s Plot On the Brain. And trying not to think about it only makes it worse. Better to lock yourself in the closet and get it down and over with.

5. You Do It Anyway – This I have found the most telling. You’ve written a bunch of novels, a dozen short stories, more than a few essays, innumerable blog posts, even kept a journal for more years than you’d care to own up to. And although you’ve had some limited success, though nowhere near where you’d like to see yourself, you keep doing it. You finish one piece then start another, because you know if you don’t your axis will tilt and forget the Vitamin D–you’ll feel a deficiency worse than if all the chocolate in the world suddenly disappeared. You can’t help yourself, even on the days when that rejection shows up in your inbox, you still want to do it. You’ll cry and curse and hate the world for stopping you from doing what you can’t seem to give up. But then all of a sudden that perfect line plants itself in your head, and you’re back to doing it anyway. You’re so pathetic.

Maybe. Maybe not. But oh man, sometimes it’s such a bitch being us.

Smooches!

Trudy

Five Reasons to Attend the 2011 Liberty States Fiction Writers Conference on March 19th

Beside the fact it’s located in convenient Iselin, NJ, just off Route One? That lunch is included? That I’ll be there? Well, if THAT isn’t enough motivation, let me give you a few more reasons why:

1. MaryJanice Davidson! ~ Keynote speaker, New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of paranormal romance.

2. Editors and Agents! ~ Forget that messy query process – speak face-to-face with living, breathing editors and agents. HarperCollins, Grand Central, Harlequin and more. Too many agents to list!

3. Workshops! ~ On craft, on children’s books, on mysteries, on blogging – even martial arts, plus much, much more! 

4. Bookfair ~ Your favorite authors, signing your favorite books, courtesy of Barnes & Noble!

5. Prizes! ~ The chance to win a Sony Pocket E-Reader, plus more!

And I’ll be there! What else do you need to know? But alas, in case you do, you can always click here for more information.

See you there! Smooch!

Trudy

The Five Best Foods and Drinks I Can’t Make at Home

Astrologically speaking, I’m a Taurus, and if there’s anything we Bulls hold as dear as our overinflated egos, it’s our creature comforts. And although I’ve been known to spend some quality time in the kitchen (helps when I’m plotting, but the best thing I still like to make is reservations), there are some commercial foods out there worth every penny to me. Such as, and in no particular order…

1. Ghirardelli Chocolate – in any way shape or form. A few years ago, my sister went out to San Francisco where the candy was born, and brought me back a huge one pound chunk of an apparently humongous dark chocolate bar. Before then, I held no particular allegiance to any cocoa purveyor, but ever since, I’ve become completely biased. At this writing, I even have Ghirardelli Double Chocolate chip cookies cooling in my kitchen. Sorry, folks, but there’s simply no bipartisanship when it comes to chocolate.

2. B&N Cafe’s Mocha Latte - It’s not bad enough I’m bookstore-obsessed, dumping a good portion of my income even before I get past the “New Fiction” and New Non-Fiction” tables right at the door. But it’s made even worse by the completely inconvenient scent of fresh brew smacking me just past the Local Interest section, especially since I’m already dealing with an armful of books. But a trip to Barnes & Noble would not be complete without a Mocha Latte with whipped cream, naturally. It’s so perfectly sweetened, I can even ignore the linzer torte or tiramisu defying me not to buy them. Pah! on you, you thighbusters! With my cuppa joe, I’m perfectly content!

3. Trader Joe’s Raspberry-Lime Seltzer – I’ve been shopping at this stellar chain of “gourmet” grocery stores for about five years now. They not only have great prices but an eclectic mix of all kinds of foods, from pastas to cheeses, breads and meats, to coffees, spices, nuts and so much more (and apparently, they have the exclusive on some pretty good Charles Shaw California wines that go by the moniker, “Two Buck Chuck,” but alas, liquor laws in New Jersey prohibit wine sales in grocery stores). A recent trip there led me to discover their line of seltzer water, which puts all the others I’ve tried to shame. All were bright, crisp and so fruit-infused it was hard to believe they had no calories or sodium. My particular favorite is the raspberry-lime, which was so sparklingly delicious I nearly kicked myself for buying only one bottle. At .79 cents a liter, I should’ve bought a case!

4. Cinnamon Altoids - These 3-calorie candies have not only been a breath freshener to me – they’ve literally been a lifesaver (no – not them!) About ten years ago, almost singlehandedly, they helped me quite smoking, as everytime I got the urge I popped about four of them in my mouth. Not only did I lose the urge, I probably scraped off a good portion of my taste buds, if only temporarily. I still keep them in my purse to this day, as they’re also handy for a quick wake-up call on the road when my eyes are drooping. The dark chocolate covered ones are positively addictive, but they’ve been kind of scarce lately. I was pretty much good for a whole box at one sitting, and along with a friend of mine, I think we devoured every last tin in North America. Snif.

5. Stonyfield Farm’s French Vanilla Cream Top Yogurt – Everytime I dive into one of these I feel like I’m cheating on Sweetie, that’ s how decadent they are. Normally, I’m a nonfat aficionado, as Stonyfield’s selection is quite good. But from the moment I slide back the foil lid on this whole milk yogurt, the luscious cream coagulating underneath I just have to lick off, the scent of it, lingering on my fingers, I’m in high butterfat content heaven. Who would think something this wholesome and probiotic could be such a sensual experience? They ought to slap an NC-17 rating on the label–this is one yogurt you should not eat alone.

Oh dear, you must excuse me…my appetities are rising!

Smooch!

Trudy

Five Ways to tell the Holidays are coming

It’s December, and not only are the Holidays coming, they’re already here if Hanukkah started yours off last week. If not, then you get to bask in the chaos that befalls so many every year. I simply let them rumble past like a runaway train, and if something happens to fall out the caboose for me, so be it.  But if you believe the concept driving the season is peace and not what piece is for you, then here’s a few hints to let you know just how far behind you are:

1. The Great Work Stoppage - As soon as the Thanksgiving turkey comes out of the oven, it’s as if everyone forgets they have a job. Suddenly all meetings become holiday parties, and if you’re expecting that report to get finished, you might as well call back next year. In my particular milieu, I nearly have to hit my students over the head with their final exam to get them to even remember my name.

2. Vanishing Editors - If you were hoping to get your manuscript sold before the end of the year, you can forget it if you didn’t hear by Turkey Day. From then until the end of the year, editors, as well as a goodly amount of agents, take a breather and make the rounds of Gotham’s holiday celebrations, where I imagine a fair amount of dealmaking takes place over the babaganoush. If you’re the writer, think of it as a temporary reprieve from submission angst.

3. Everything’s on Sale - Back in the day, you used to have to wait until after Christmas to get a price cut, but thanks to retail giants like Wal-Mart and Macy’s, the discounts only get deeper the closer you get to the big day. Which is fine, because if you’re like me, the shopping starts the day before, and I’m all about half-off.

4. The Dread Christmas Sweater - Think about it: if it wasn’t the holidays, would you ever wear that sweater in public? Do you actually like rick-rack, glitter, Rudolph’s battery-operated flashing nose, or cable-knitted Thomas Kinkade reproductions on your chest? So much better to wear the DCS’s less offensive cousins, The Christmas Socks. At least we only have to endure them when you cross your legs.

5. “Oh go ahead – it’s the Holidays.” – Which means, go ahead and eat that brandy cheesecake as big as your head. What the hell - you’re on Lipitor anyway, and your blood test isn’t until January. Which also means you can eat half that Hickory Farm’s beef stick, which is my personal holiday no-denial favorite. No fooling, I’m stocking up!

Eighteen shopping days left!

Smooch!

Trudy